Past Abuse

Peter suffered regular flashbacks from tremendous childhood abuse from mother and father. About six times a week, he now felt overwhelmed with images of fear, pain, and dread.

His self esteem had suffered accordingly. He tested weak on both “I love myself,” and “I like myself,” as well as “I’m free from self-punishment,” and “I’m free from self-sabotage.” And he couldn’t sit though an emotional group without wanting to run away.

He reported a dream in which the inside of a house was being pleasantly remodeled with new fixtures and lighting, etc. I interpreted this to symbolize our efforts to remodel his insides, with hopefully an equally pleasant outcome. His system indicated we could SuperClear the abuse from his mother and then his father. He listed nineteen separate types of abuse from her. Excerpts appear below:

Some of this may sound harsh, but it needs to be said. You robbed me of the most valuable years of my life. You tormented me, bashed me, and humiliated me. I wish you could feel what it was like when I wanted to commit suicide at eleven. I wish you could feel the humiliation at school when you made me wear the clothes you tore up.

Do you know what it’s like to feel your skull cracked with a rolling pin, to be beaten so bad that you can only crawl? I didn’t do anything to you. Why did you hate me so much? Now my heart breaks when I see other children being hugged by their mothers. I’m still haunted by the images of you beating me and your voice calling me a “stupid bastard” and telling me I would never amount to anything. But that’s not true. You’re not in control of my life anymore – I am.

He wrote a similar letter to his father, wherein he listed fifteen different types of abuse. He read both letters in group. Afterward, we did the clearing, and he told me with tears in his eyes:

That was beautiful! I told that beat up little kid in the house that he didn’t have to stay there anymore, that there’s a bright new world waiting outside. We ran out joyfully into a bright light, ready to discover a new way of life, realizing there’s no need to go back. Now my body feels light, as if this weight has been lifted. I’d float if I could. I love myself and I care about myself, and I’ve never felt that way before.

Recommended support activity was to mail his letter to his father. (His mother was deceased.) He found he could sit through very emotional groups now without wanting to run away. He now tested strong on the love-myself and like-myself statements as well as freedom from self-sabotage and self-punishment. His flashbacks were non-existent.